


Love is for Children

by thattinynerd (beautyinthenight)



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-25
Updated: 2013-05-25
Packaged: 2017-12-12 22:25:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/816746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautyinthenight/pseuds/thattinynerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Love is for children, I owe him a debt." That's how Natasha described her feelings towards Clint, but Clint loves her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is for Children

“Love is for children, I owe him a debt.”

That’s how she described her feelings towards me to Loki. Agent Hill told me that, not long after we’d sent Loki back to Asgard. Maria’s like my sister, she knows my real feelings. She knows that it breaks my heart to think that Natasha can never feel the same way about me that I feel about her. The sad thing is that I allowed myself to begin to think that Nat could even think about me in a romantic way, our relationship is purely business with maybe a small amount of friendship on the side. Oh, and she believes she owes me a debt, of course.

In my opinion, there is no debt. How could there be a debt? I fell in love with her and chose not to kill her. She owes me nothing, it was my own choice. The world doesn’t work like that – a life for a life – especially not when feelings are involved. But she has been a spy her entire life: she wasn’t brought up knowing how the heart works; she was brought up knowing how to stop the heart. Subsequently I believe she has no idea of my feelings, of the true reason why I spared her life. She only uses emotions if they can help her get what she needs. I’ve seen that in action.

The saddest part is that I know that she uses me too. Just yesterday she grabbed me in the corridor and kissed me, pushing me up against the wall and tangling her fingers in my hair before leading me to her bedroom. But that and what followed didn’t mean anything, she assured me of that. She ‘needed to let her frustrations out’ and I was the best thing for that. I don’t think she knows how much that tears me up inside. She uses people without a second thought for their feelings, she’s toxic. She always has been and always will be.

Yet, despite that, I’m fixated with her. I can be mesmerised by the way her hair flips when she kicks, stunned when she gives me just a small smile. Physical contact makes my head spin and I have to control my heart rate around her – she’d notice that. She even notices my pupils dilate the tiniest bit, which can lead to awkward conversations. Her powers of observation never fail to amaze me... she never fails to amaze me no matter what she does to be honest. I’ve been trained to kill first, ask questions later, but it something about her that makes my very instincts change.

But I can never be with her. ‘Love is for children’. She doesn’t believe that she can ever love, and therefore that means that she has no feelings for me whatsoever. That’s just how it works, unfortunately. And I have been trained not to care about this sort of thing. So I move on with my life, doing whatever she needs no matter how it tears me up inside, until I can finally find some way to move on from these feelings of love. Until I can find away to freeze out emotions just like Natasha.


End file.
